Hindsight and being 'stuck'...

This post is probably a little bit depressing, but I'm in that kind of mood today, so with that in mind, read on...

I've just in the last few days sent a job application in, that I've since realised could have been better.

It's also made me realize something about my personality, in that I've always wished I was one of those quick-witted people who can just pull a one-liner out of thin air, or always apply themselves when they need to.

I have the ability to realise just after someone's said something, what I could have said, usually long enough after the conversation to not warrant saying it, as the opportunity has gone. Usually the reply I think about afterwards in my head is brilliant, witty and has just enough sassy to sound great, but by then the moment has gone!

After sending my application in, a friend reviewed it, and he gave me some feedback, and I knew what he was going to say before he said it. His constructive criticism was bang on. I knew it, so why didn't I do it?!

It's the kind of frustration I live with in my own head, always feeling smack bang in the middle of things, not quite dumb, but not super intelligent either, not quite on the left, but not quite on the right either; not, not, not...

I'm not where I feel I should be as regards my aspirations, personally or career-wise. In terms of life, I feel stuck, and I'm not quite sure how to get out of where I am. I feel sometimes like I'm just one big advert for apathy.

I guess there's nothing really to be done at the moment other than get my head down and work at things, but I do feel tired. Tired of the way things are, and wanting things to change.

That's living in hope I guess!

Margaret Thatcher's Death - an opportunity for Discipleship?!

Ok, you may be wondering about the title...

A few pointers before I start:

1. I am not and never have been, a Tory supporter.
2. I disagreed with all of Mrs T's policies when she was in power.
3. I totally disagree with Tory policy currently.
4. I'm not sure where I am politically.
5. I'm certain of one thing: NO political party has it all right!

All that said, I have to speak out today.

I find following Jesus VERY hard. I've been doing it, (I realised last night due to a question I was asked), for nearly thirty years!! I met Jesus when I was 9 years old, and have been following Him and His teachings since then.

I'm not brain-washed, I'm not an idiot, though there are PLENTY of people in the world grossly more intelligent than me, I can assure you.

I find following Jesus very frustrating and offensive to my own heart at times. Why do I say that?

I say that because Jesus' demands on my heart are total. The hardest and most demanding thing of me He asks, above everything else, (and there's plenty of demands, trust me!) is to love my enemies. According to Him, and the Bible, that is the way of a Disciple, someone who associates themselves with Him, and the entirety of His teaching.

No-one's death is a good thing, no matter who they are. (Yes I realise that's an offensive thing to say). When you come down to the essential core, the kernel of being a follower of Jesus, you find out that God's love, shown through Jesus, IS offensive.

It's offensive to all people, whoever they are, because it asks us to go against our most primitive, tribal nature as human beings. According to Jesus, there is no 'other', or 'them' if you're a follower of Him, because he asks you to Love those people who wind you up the most, who really get under your skin, who oppose everything you passionately believe in. He asks you to love your enemy.

So please stop 'celebrating' someone's death because you didn't like them or because you disagreed with their ideology or view of the world, or the life they lived.

A disciple of Jesus does not hate, does not delight in evil, keeps no record of wrongs. Sound familiar?

That's God's definition of Love, it should be ours.

Now THAT's offensive.