The (nearly) Last Hurrah

Well, life is throwing me a curve ball at the moment, to steal a phrase my wife would be familiar with...

As of 1st July, I will be no longer training as a Baptist Minister, as my 'ministerial formation' (sounds painful doesn't it!! :p) will be put on 'hold' for a year or two.

Before anypone panics, I've not done anything silly, or been involved in any kind of scandal, it's simply down to lack of funding (my placement church) and some personal issues, which I'm not going to go into detail on here. Needless to say, I'm a little bit gutted and fearful and excited about the future, all expressing itself in a horrible nauseous feeling of 'aaarrggghhh what am I doing!!!'

My placement church weren't planning to take me on for another year, and therefore didn't budget for it, so were taken aback a bit when I asked to stay! They very graciously said whilst they couldn't 'employ' me officially, they could give me a small amount each month. I deliberated on this for a while, but through other curcumstances (again that I don't particularly feel the need to mention on here) I decided that this wasn't the best option.

The College/Baptist Union have offered me the option of taking a 'break' from studying/formation/training for up to two years for personal circumstances, as they call it, with no negative reflection on me. I've decided to take this option, and so the frantic search for a job begins...

To further complicate matters, my wife (who is an american citizen) is applying for the final part of her visa, her Indefinite Leave to Remain, which we're putting in the application for on June 10th. It's a bit stressful, but as she's been living here and we've been married for nearly two years now, I'm hoping there's not gonna be a problem. We've already saved up the (gulp!) £840 the government want for it, and it's just a case of producing the right documents to prove we still live together and are still married to each other.

So, the future's a bit uncertain at the moment, but I'm getting used to that lately. If I think back to before I was married, the time since then has been filled with lot's of uncertainty, whether it was marrying the love of my life who was from another country and all the extra complications and stresses that puts on a relationship, or taking redundancy from (the then) Wesley owen whom I'd worked for about 12 years, or whether it was moving flat to New Brighton to start with a church I'd never been to and area I'd never lived in; plenty of things have kept us both on our toes, and I'm sure we'll face these challenges together.

So, I'm in my last month of employment with a church and it feels a bit wierd. Unfortunately the job market is not brilliant at the moment, and doubly unfortunately, the bookshop market is even worse in terms of vacancies. Ah well...

Now that I've thoroughly depressed you if you're reading this, I'm leaving. I'm a bit of a git that way....

Reality & Perception

I don't what it is about me, whether it's because I'm an ex-fundamentalist, ex-conservative, or ex-whatever; more and more lately I've been finding that reality affects my perception. Things I've long believed I've been questioning because reality doesn't seem to quite match up with them, and so I question, and explore and investigate.

I've always held that 'beliefs' matter, but lately I've been discovering that 'trust' matters more. For me it's been a journey of moving from knowledge 'about' things to trust 'in' things. More of a case of conviction trumping certainty...

To be continued... (after food)

Radio!

If anyone reads this, (!) I'm on BBC Radio Merseyside tommorrow @ 8:30am. It's Wayne Clarke's show 'daybreak'.

If you're not that local, you can listen to it afterwards on BBC Iplayer.

thanks!

The Responsibility of Democracy

We've all seen the devastation on our screens the last few days, but Haiti has been suffering for a long time before today. In effect, they've been a country struggling because of corruption, dictaorships, and debt.

Pat Robertson made a silly comment that their suffering is because they 'made a deal with the devil'. Well maybe they did...

Please read this. I did, and it opened my eyes to the suffering of Haiti that has been much more long-term than the last few days, weeks or years; and I'm not talking about the disasters nature's thrown at them either.

Why can't those countries that say they're democratic be challenged by this example?

Time will tell.

SNOW!!!

Yes folks, it's here, and boy is it here!

I've just spent about 40 minutes on a bus from Liverpool to New Brighton, sliding and slushing and driving very slow...

I have to admit, the little boy inside me was VERY excited, and secretly I was hoping for a small 'bump' into another vehicle, so I could brag about it, though obviously nothing that would injure anyone. Thankfully, we had a very good driver, who accelerated at the points he needed to, to get going again after stopping, and then easing on the brakes slowly so we didn't slide too much.

It was very exciting, but I'm glad I'm home, and am hoping Meg will be able to get home from work (liverpool) on the train, which will no doubt be a lot safer!

Here's to the little child inside all of us, who (for most of us) will be jumping with joy at all the snow today!

'big grin'

Downtime

As we start a New Year, and all the celebrations are past, and the 'winter blues' set in, it's got me thinking about what Joy is.

It sounds strange I know, but so often we define our lives by what makes us happy, what makes forget the bad, by avoiding negative situations, as if somehow that makes everything better. Talk to the person suffering from depression, and you'll find someone who wants to feel anything positive at all, to escape the feeling of drudgery, the feeling that every day will be the same, day after day after day, without any chink of light shining through.

Yeh, that's how it feels sometimes. But is avoiding 'stuff' the best way to live life?

I'm not advocating a way of life that pretends everything is ok, even in difficult circumstances, or a way of life that masochistically 'exalts' in troubles; I'm advocating a real life, a way of living that admits that sometimes life is hard and the best way to get through it is to go 'through' it. Not avoid, not pretend it doesn't exist, not live in denial, but simply admit to people, 'this is where I am at the moment'.

I don't think faith needs to mean that we're always victorious. If you look at the Cross, Jesus says to us there was a dark time, a time when even He felt abandoned by God, felt isolated, felt alone. Even Jesus knew what it was to mourn the loss of someone, to be frustrated at people's responses to you, to get angry at how people are imposing their own ideas of what and who you are.

Faith, surely, is about more than pasting on a smile.

Faith is looking for God when you can't see Him, it's trusting beyond the darkness you can see in yourself. It's trusting that whatever you see, God can and will bring good out of it, no matter what.

Yes, it's 'downtime', but it doesn't have to be 'give-up time'. 

What a Week!!

My apologies I haven't updated for a while, it's been a busy week.

I was in College four days this week, due to 2 extra days attending the Child Protection Course, which was really good and thorough, but involved alot of thinking and listening to processes and outcomes and some legislation. I felt absolutely exhausted when I got home last night, physically and mentally, but particularly mentally.

It's one thing when you have to listen to case studies, but it's another to think about offenders and how best to approach them in the context of a church fellowship, wanting to be open to all people who want to attend, but also at the same time ensuring the safety and security of your young people and children is the first priority.

I don't think I'll comment further here in detail about what we studied, but suffice it to say it was vitally important, but also slightly disturbing and uncomfortable.